Learning to Feeling
by under falling skys
Summary: Is a 17 year old virgin sad? Or merely standing up to the ways of society? I’m 17 and have never been in a relationship longer then 6 months. Is that weird? I’m not sure. Do I care? Sometimes.


I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters.

Is a 17 year old virgin sad? Or merely standing up to the ways of society?

I'm 17 and have never been in a relationship longer then 6 months. Is that weird? I'm not sure. Do I care? Sometimes.

My best friend Ginny is beautiful and has constant male attention, though I can honestly understand why, she's special person inside and out. This to me is a rare find. So am I jealous? No I'm not I'm happy for her and hope she'll find someone who'll treat her right.

My other 2 best friends, Harry and Ron are in their own way attractive. Both receive a fare amount of attention. Both are amazing people in the inside. And both use girls like water. Do I judge them for this? No because we're friends. Does it scare me from having a relationship of my own because of what they do? Yes I guess it does.

As we went through school together I watched as their relationships developed and fell apart, from their smiles, to their anger and their tears. I watched as my best friend gave her virginity to a boy she'd been dating for 6 months. Then I watched her cry herself to sleep because it hadn't worked out. I watched as both Harry and Ron beat the living crap out of the guy because Ron was her brother (so it was sort of like a duty) and Harry because he had been in love with her since our first year in school. I watch as they grow closer because of their experiences, while I drift away from them because I don't understand their pain. I feel as though that I'm their but I'm always just watching from the outside.

My worst enemy is handsome, strong and arrogant. It's safe to say that he does NOT have any trouble finding women to entertain his needs. Nor does he have a lack of friends. He stares at me sometimes, with these big lonely eyes as though I have done something unspeakably painful to him, and tells me that he hates me. Does it hurt? Yes sometimes it does.

Do I hate him? No because I know deep down he doesn't really hate me, he only hates who he thinks I am.

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Sometimes I wonder if I even have the capability to love someone. As I watch Harry stare at Ginny with such admiration and devotion I wonder if I could ever look at someone with so much emotion it actually hurts an onlooker to watch. I've never felt my heart flutter when someone brushes against me. I've never blushed at a compliment or tried to impress someone by making an extra effort.

Do I want this? …

I smile, with genuine happiness, when Harry finally confesses to Ginny. The moment seemed magical as they stood locked together in a tearful embrace. Ron is beside me but he is not watching them. His eyes are trained on his own girlfriend whose blond hair seems to sparkle in the same sun which created a spot light for the entwined lovers. In his eyes, as he reached out a hand to her smile, was that all too familiar devotion that recently I had begun to hate.

Do I wish it were me? …

And then he comes, and his silver eyes, those pain filled eyes, meet with my own empty ones as he sneers at the scene, then stops his eyes glued on Harry and Ginny who had disappeared into their own world, a wave of defeat seemed to wash over his body as his cold wall slowly crumbled around him, and a look of longing scratched itself onto his beautiful features which caused my heart to do something that it never had before. It missed a beat. And in that second I knew I wasn't such a lost cause after all.

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When he finally talked to me again it was in 5th period potions and this time it was not an insult or snide remark that he threw in my direction, it was a question.

"Can I borrow your potion notes Granger?" his voice, when not laced with the malice of hate, was almost soft with an edge of roughness around it. His eyes were clear and his features relaxed as he stared curiously at my slightly pink face.

And with that, I fell in love for the first time.

Now when ever he came into a room my eyes will find him, and my heart beat will quicken but with this a slight pain comes as well knowing that I am nothing but an enemy to him and I start to admire my friends more then ever because I finally understand the pain of lost love.

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When I need to think I go to a place which is mine. It comforts me and never questions. It just listens. After charms I gather my things quickly avoiding the strange looks my friends send me as I stumble out my seat and hurry out the claustrophobic room. I hurry to my sanctuary, my secret place. Only to be greets on my arrival by the sounds of sobs, cold pain filled sobs. My breath caught as I saw who the owner of such a heart shattering sound was. There curled in a ball against a tree was my worst enemy. His whole body shook as pain seemed to crash into him with each tear he spilled. Silver hair was being tugged violently by two strong hands, his face however was hidden, buried in his knees.

I felt a little bit of me die inside, because of the pain I was witnessing. The sorrow and loneliness that seemed to be radiating from his shaking body hit me as I reached out to him. My hand touched his much bigger one, gripping it softly before leading it away from his head.

"Come to gloat granger?" his head lifted and I lost my breath at how hollow his eyes were as they stared blankly up at me. They were rimmed with a dark red and tears still clung to his lashes. He had never looked more beautiful I thought as I sat down in front of him.

I smiled softly never letting go of his hand instead taking the other as well in to my own.

"No I've come to listen" he seemed to be fighting with something a he glared at me.

"I don't need you, I don't need anyone"

"Everyone needs someone" his resolve seemed to crumble and his lip quivered. Then he let go falling into my arms, his face buried in my neck and his arms wrapped so tightly around me that I could barely breathe but I didn't care.

"I don't know what to do" his voice was muffled by my skin

I rocked him as though he were a child until his sobs stopped and he was merely resting on me for comfort and warmth

"You know" I spoke softly "your not such a ferret after all" amused eyes met mine, before looking down his hands slipping out of mine to cup my cheeks

"Why are you doing this?" Honestly…

"Because I love you." then his lips met mine.

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Harry and Ginny got married this year and they have never been more in love. Ron and Luna are expecting a baby in 3 months and they seem to glow when ever they are together.

Do I wish it was me? No. because what they have is right for them.

Do I want what they have? No. because what me Draco have is so much better.

….

This is the most random thing I have ever written but it literally just came to me after watching the 6th film. It's slightly confusing and vague and WAY shorter then any story I have ever written. And I've written a lot of stories. But I kind of like it… so I hope you did to.

R&R


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